


to a given standard of normal

by neversaydie



Series: cock it and pull it [5]
Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, JACK'S BACK, Love, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, consequences of the void
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 09:13:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13784361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaydie/pseuds/neversaydie
Summary: The first couple of weeks are… difficult.Some things are the same. The Jack Sammy remembers sitting across the desk from him in their dingy college radio studio, rambling about the possibility that the math building was haunted; the guy who pushed him into any risky broom closet or empty office he could find to make out, because he was always an adrenaline junkie even if it gave Sammy a heart attack; the Jack who roasted Sammy for his dad jokes even though his were quantifiably worse - he's still there. Mostly intact.Other things… other things have changed.[Jack and Sammy start building a life after the void]





	to a given standard of normal

The first couple of weeks are… difficult. 

Jack is still Jack. Unapologetically, unashamedly  _ Jack _ in a way Sammy had half thought he'd been exaggerating in his head because he missed him so much. He's stubborn as a mule - refusing help to shave his beard off even though unsteady hands mean he ends up more razor nicks than man - and still as affectionate as ever. He tucks himself under Sammy's arm on the couch, presses up against him in bed at night, and touches him without thinking as they move around each other in the house. That, Sammy is relieved to discover, hasn't changed.

Jack's laugh has also stayed the same, and the bright shock of it the first time he finds something funny sends Sammy bolting across the room to hug him. It doesn't come as frequently as it used to (given what little Sammy's been able to glean about the void, he's not surprised), but when it does, Jack still sounds like he's got everything he's ever wanted right there in front of him.

So some things are the same. The Jack Sammy remembers sitting across the desk from him in their dingy college radio studio, rambling about the possibility that the math building was haunted; the guy who pushed him into any risky broom closet or empty office he could find to make out, because he was always an adrenaline junkie even if it gave Sammy a heart attack; the Jack who roasted Sammy for his dad jokes even though his were quantifiably worse - he's still there. Mostly intact.

Other things… other things have changed.

He's lost weight, for one thing. Is only half a head shorter than Sammy but now drowns in his borrowed sweatshirts, collarbones and sharp shoulders showing through even Sammy's thickest winter gear from back in Seattle. It's not cold in King Falls, as winter starts to thaw into spring, but Jack shivers endlessly, even when he's asleep. He can't remember what the void felt like, he says, but now can't seem to stay warm for more than a few minutes at a time.

Troy drops off a heavy knitted blanket from Loretta, which he describes as having 'a hug in every stitch', and Jack takes to wrapping himself up in it like a cloak whenever the shivers get too bad. It helps.

Jack's still a social animal, which is another thing Sammy's thankful hasn't changed (because if they both turned into antisocial fucks then Jack in the Box Jesus help them), and takes well to being slowly introduced to the people Sammy trusts… although the circumstances mean that pool is still very small. Ben, Emily, Troy, of course Lily - though Sammy doesn't think his other friends would cause problems, these are the ones he trusts to be around Jack while he's still… coming in and out.

It happens without warning, usually. In the middle of a conversation, Jack's eyes will glaze over and he'll stop responding, stay where he is until he comes back to himself like he's waking up from a long sleep. The duration of the absences varies, from half a minute to half an hour (at Sammy's estimate, being the one who witnesses most of them), but Jack is usually disoriented and confused when he comes out of one no matter how long or short it lasted.

Emily is the one who helps the most with that part, who patiently helps Jack to recognise when an absence is imminent and give himself enough time to at least sit down or tell someone what's happening (she has her own issues left over from the abduction, and the similarities make both Ben and Sammy queasy with guilt in their own separate ways). It results in less broken appliances and bruised knees for Jack, which is a small but significant victory on the road to carving out some kind of new normal.

The absences - seizures? - still scare the shit out of Sammy, of course, but Jack treats them with about as much significance as an unexpected nap. He agrees to see a doctor on his boyfriend's insistence, although they schedule an early morning appointment so there aren't many people around but it's still light out (a fear of the dark is one of the things that's definitely changed, and Sammy quickly gets used to sleeping with the lamp on), where Jack's given a clean bill of health aside for some concerns about malnutrition.

Which means there's no physical cause behind the absences… which is somehow scarier than the alternative.

"It'll get better," Jack murmurs, staring at the ceiling as Sammy dozes beside him in the warm lamplight. Neither of them sleep well, these days. "Right?"

Sammy is heading up the mountain for his first show back at King Falls AM in a few hours, and they're both nervous about Jack being on his own while there are things still looming in the shadows - both real and imagined. He's determined for them to get back to normal life… but is starting to think his 'normal' might be different now. 

"It will," Sammy rolls over, squinting against sleep and the hair falling in his eyes as he reaches out to run his thumb gently over Jack's cheekbone - sharper than his memories, but still familiar as breathing. "You okay?"

'Okay' might be another one of those things that have changed for them now, Jack supposes. 

"Yeah," he takes Sammy's hand and presses a kiss to his palm before tucking it into his chest, curling towards Sammy until their foreheads are almost touching. He'll text Emily and see if he can sleep on her couch until the boys get done in the morning - give himself a break until he's ready to be alone. Maybe normal can wait. "I'm okay."

To Jack's surprise, he actually means it.


End file.
